Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an
abandoned gas station.  They approached one of
the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed
it, "Greetings, Earthling.  We come in peace.
Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The alien repeated the greeting.  There was no
response.

The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be
the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray
gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace.  How dare you ignore us in this
way!  Take us to your leader, or I will fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you
musn't anger him!", but before he finished his
warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them
200 meters into the desert, where they landed in
a heap.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one
who fired turned to the other one and said, "What
a ferocious creature.  It nearly killed us!
But, how did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing
I've learned during my travels through the
galaxy, it's that if a guy has a penis he can wrap
around himself twice and then stick into his own
ear, you don't mess with him!"
 
There was a blond sitting next to a man on an
airplane. About 1 hr. into the flight the pilot
comes on and says over the intercom, "One of our
four engines is out, we will be about fifteenminutes late arriving."
About 30 min. later the pilot comes on the
intercom again and say "There is a second
engine out, we will be about 30 min. late."
Fifteen minutes after that the pilot comes on
again and says "I'm sorry to say that there is
a third engine out, we'll be about 1 hr. late arriving at our destination."
The blond turns to the man and says "Man if that
forth engine goes out, we'll be up here all day."